


first part last

by Onyxim



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Au where men can get pregnant, Awkward First Times, First Time, M/M, Mpreg, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Shimada Clan, Smut, Teen Pregnancy, Teen Romance, Young Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-19
Updated: 2017-08-11
Packaged: 2018-10-07 16:24:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10364625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Onyxim/pseuds/Onyxim
Summary: Jesse McCree was totally and utterly unprepared for his life to go in this direction.AKA - That McHanzo teen pregnancy AU no one asked for.





	1. last

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, guys. This fic is gonna be a little wonky. 
> 
> This based loosely on a novel I read in fourth grade with the same title. It was a great read and to this day it is still one of my favorite books. 
> 
> The weird part was, it was out of order. Whatever events happened first came later on in the story. Not quite flashbacks. Ah, it's hard to explain. You'll see what I mean. 
> 
> If it becomes too confusing, let me know!

The gentle cooing from the baby in the crib next to his bed brings Jesse McCree to consciousness.

He slowly becomes aware of his surroundings; the gentle sunlight filtering through his parted curtains, the bright blue of the crib and the random baby stuff strewn about his room.

He rolls onto his back and sighs, scrubbing a hand over his face. He doesn't want to get up, he really just wants at least another hour of sleep. Staring at the ceiling for a moment, he feels his eyes starting to droop, his mind feeling heavy with sleep. . .

Mai's peal of laughter reminds him of why he needs to get up.

Jesse sits up in the bed and absently throws his legs over the side, his shoulders sagging with exhaustion. A tired smile forms on his face when Mai squeals again.

He stands up and peers into Mai's crib, and her hazel eyes brighten at the sight of his face; her short arms lifting into the air and her fingers wiggling excitedly.

"Da-da," she says.

"Hey, little darlin'," Jesse says softly and lifts Mai into his arms, nuzzling her face with his nose.

Mai giggles, pawing his face, which has become rough with stubble.

Jesse huffs. "Yeah, it's right time for a shave, huh, kid?"

He changes her on his bed and gets her dressed in a dark blue shirt and white pants. He can't resist blowing raspberries on her stomach and making her laugh.

Adjusting Mai so that she rests on his hip, Jesse ventures out of his room to the smell of breakfast and the sound of murmuring voices, which only slightly takes him by surprise. Gabe must be up - and Jack must have stayed the night.

He arrives at the kitchen, greeted with the sight of Gabe standing at the stove, scooping something out of a pan, and Jack sitting at the kitchen's island, sipping his coffee and scrolling through his phone.

"Morning," Jesse greets, going over to set Mai in her highchair. She makes a noise of protest from being separated from Jesse, to which he responds to by kissing her cheek.

"What time you heading out?" Gabe asks, setting a plate down in front of Jack.

"Nine-thirty," Jesse replies, retrieving a small blue bowl from the cabinet and pulling down a box of Cheerios. "Can I borrow the car?"

Gabe grunts an affirmative, going back to flipping the bacon in the skillet.

Mai babbles when she spots the bowl of cereal in Jesse's hand. When he sets it down in front of her, she delicately takes a Cheerio between her thumb and forefinger, maneuvering it to her mouth.

"Good girl," Jesse praises warmly when the Cheerio makes it successfully into her mouth. She gives him a gummy smile.

"Are you taking her with you this afternoon?" Gabe asks, this time turning to look Jesse in the eye curiously. Jack too looks up at him.

Jesse's heart seizes for a second. "Yeah." He sounds uncertain in his own ears.

Gabe nods. "Alright."

Jesse nods back and returns his attention to Mai, who has managed to drop approximately five Cheerios on the floor.

"Can y'all watch her while I get ready?" Jesse says, glancing at the clock across the room. Eight-thirty.

"Sure," Jack says around a mouthful of waffle.

Jesse thanks them and heads upstairs to quickly shower, shave, and throw on a pair of jeans and a plaid shirt. He brings Mai's coat down with him.

When he returns to the kitchen, Gabe is standing in front of Mai's highchair and hilariously trying to demonstrate how to properly eat a Cheerio.

"Like this," he says, and in a comically slow way, all the while making an "aaaahhh" noise, he pops the Cheerio into his mouth.

Mai is watching him and giggling, mimicking him. "Aaaahhhh!" she squeals, but she drops the Cheerio halfway.

Jesse chuckles and Gabe jumps.

"Da-da!" Mai says.

"You ready to go, sweetheart?" Jesse asks, taking the bowl and soggy Cheerios.

"You better delete any pictures you've taken," Gabe grumbles, cheeks reddening.

"I didn't take any pictures."

"I did," Jack grins. He is on the receiving end of Gabe's death stare.

"Send them to me," Jesse says and slips the coat over Mai's small shoulders. He zipz it up. "I'll be back a little after lunch."

"That's fine," Gabe says. "Just take care of the truck." He says this every time Jesse asks to use the car.

"Right." Jesse finishes bundling up Mai and lifts her out of her seat. "See y'all later." He grabs the keys on the way out and locks the front door.

* * *

 

"Everything looks good," Dr. Ziegler says when she's finished examining Mai. "She is perfectly healthy."

Even though Jesse had suspected that he'd get that answer, he breathes a sigh of relief and smiles a little. "Thanks."

"I'm not the one who you should be thanking."

Jesse is confused by her response until she rests her hand on top of his and looks into his eyes, sincere.

"You really are doing a very good job, Jesse." Full lips form a smile that is genuine with a hint of sadness.

Jesse's eyes drop down to the floor. "Yeah, I guess so."

"Remember how you were at the beginning?"

Jesse huffs a laugh. "'Course I do." His voice goes a little flat. "Sometimes I still feel that way, y'know," he says grimly.

"That's perfectly fine. No one would expect you to be perfect at this. You've been doing a wonderful job, Jesse. Mai is the happiest baby I have ever met."

At the mention of her name, Mai grins.

"Da-ta," she says from Jesse's lap, looking at Dr. Ziegler and reaching for her hand.

Angela chuckles and offers a manicured pinky finger, and Mai wraps her hand around it.

"She rarely cries," Jesse murmurs, glancing up from the floor to look absently at Mai's full head of curly, inky black hair. "She's always smilin'. Always laughin' at something in the morning."

He gives a small smile. "She's his complete opposite," he whispers.

Angela lets him ponder for a moment longer before gently asking, "Are you taking her with you this afternoon?"

"Yeah." Jesse finally lifts his eyes up to hers. "Am I making a good decision? Is it too soon?"

"It's your call, Jesse." Angela gets up, and Jesse follows suit. "It's completely up to you."

Jesse has nothing to say to that. "Thank you," he tries instead, going to shake her hand, but is instead pulled into a hug.

When she pulls away, Angela says, "Don't forget that you're not alone in this, Jesse. You have plenty of people around you to help you. Never be afraid to ask me for anything, alright?"

Jesse nods numbly, stunned.

Angela sighs, her eyes revealing her sadness only for a moment.

"I miss him too, Jesse."

* * *

 

Jesse balances Mai on his hip. He grabs a bag from the backseat and shuts the truck's door, locking the car.

It isn't as cold as the forecast foretold yesterday. It is warm and smells of spring, the grass soft underneath his boots and the sun shining bright in a clear, cloudless sky. The sounds of birds chirping away, content with the warm end-of-March weather, only adds to the spring feel.

Jesse reaches his destination and sits down on the ground, Mai in his lap and fiddling with the zipper of her coat.

The shiny, grey stone in front of him seemingly stares right into him, making him glance away. The words engraved into it only proved to make him sad, and that was not what he was here for.

He smiles and it feels less tight than the last few times he'd come to visit. He sets the bag down next to him in the grass.

"Hey, Hanzo," Jesse says.

He reaches into the bag and takes out a bundle of blue flowers out. He sets them delicately on the grass, picks one off and gives it to Mai, who holds it in her hands and stares in wonder.

"I'm sorry I haven't been able to visit, I've been busy with Mai. . ." He grins. "But I figured, today's your birthday. I made an exception." He ruffles Mai's hair affectionately, but her attention is all on that single flower she holds in her tiny hands.

"She's your complete opposite, y'know," he says. "She smiles a lot. She always laughin' for no apparent reason." He looks up at the sky. "Hell, I wake up to her laughin' about somethin'."

"But at the same time, it's like there's a little bit of you in there, too. She prefers the color blue to any other color. She loves when it rains. When she smiles, her eyes do this sparkle thing and it's like the clouds are partin' after a storm. . ."

He smirks. "She loves those dragon stories."

His eyes return to the tombstone. "I went to see Dr. Ziegler today. Everything checks out. Mai is perfectly healthy."

He spends another hour just talking about anything and everything and it isn't long before he's fallen into the easy conversation that he was used to with Hanzo. It's when Mai starts nodding off against his chest and his hips ache from sitting so long does he realize he should start heading home.

He picks the discarded bag off of the ground. "I'd better be on my way, Han. Gabe's probably expecting the truck back." He puts his palm flat against the ground. "I love you."

Mai says, "Da-da."

"Yes, sweetheart?"

It takes Jesse a moment to realize that she's still holding the flower in her hand. Its petals are only slightly deformed from her messing with the petals.

Mai carefully sets the flower on the ground and repeats Jesse's earlier actions, placing her small hand flat against the grass.

"Ma-ma," she whispers. 

 


	2. first

The first time they kissed was the night of a school dance. 

Jesse can vividly remember hanging out by the snack table for a majority of the time. His friends had abandoned him to either dance or mingle with their other friends. He was bored, his phone was dying, and he'd had about four cups of punch. 

Jesse checked the time; he still had about two hours before the dance ended. Sighing, he watched people - couples and friends alike - dancing with each other in the middle of the gym, the music vibrating the floor under his feet. A few of his friends had come by and goaded him to come dance, but he declined, simply stating that these types of his events weren't really his cup of tea. 

Jesse was about to pour a fifth cup of strawberry punch, when he heard, "Jesse?" 

He turned, getting ready to tell the person that, no, he really did not want to dance, yes, he was sure, but was instead met with those pretty hazel eyes he'd been swooning over for the past few months. He was wearing a plain button down shirt and black slacks; much like Jesse. His hair was pulled back into a low ponytail, symmetrical bangs on either side of his face. 

"Hanzo?" Jesse's mouth split into a toothy grin. "Hey! I didn't think you'd like this sort of thing. Lemme guess: Genji dragged you here?" 

Hanzo scowled. "Yes. Even though I told him many times that I did not want to go, he insisted." He grabbed an empty red cup and poured himself some punch. "What are _you_ doing here?" 

"Whaddya mean?" 

"I did not think that you would like this 'sort of thing,' either." He made air quotations. 

"You're right - I don't. My friends kinda forced me." He shrugged. "I'm not all that mad, though. Could be worse." 

"How so?" Hanzo lifted the cup to his mouth. 

"Well, someone could have spiked the punch again." 

Hanzo spluttered and spat his punch back into his cup. Jesse laughed and he was met with an intense glare. 

"I was just kidding," he chuckled. 

"I do not want to take any risks," Hanzo said, "it could very well be true." 

"Han, I've had about four cups of the stuff. I think I'd be able to tell if it were spiked." 

Hanzo opened his mouth to retort, when the current song ended and the DJ announced over the speakers that they'd start accepting requests for slow songs.

When the next song started, it was a slow beat that made the air throb. Many had noticeably slowed their dancing and were holding their dance partners close. Hanzo's face screwed a bit and Jesse laughed. 

"I was dreading this part of the dance," Hanzo said, rolling his eyes. 

"Why is that - _oh."_ Jesse was cut off when Hanzo pointed to the many couples that, not even thirty seconds into the dance, had begun making out. 

"I think that pair over that just set a record for most tongue used," Jesse said dumbly. The sudden PDA from over two-thirds of the room was astonishing.

Hanzo snorted in agreement. "They are getting saliva on their clothes." 

"The girl has a tongue piercing." 

"Can you grope someone _there_ in public?" 

They both smirked at each other. 

"Wanna get out of here?" Jesse asked. 

"Obviously." 

* * *

 

Jesse drove them to a donut shop down the street from the school. As soon as Jesse opened the doors for them both to enter, he was greeted by the smell of freshly baked goods and the sound of soft rock music. It was noticeably empty, an old couple sitting in a booth in a corner. 

The cashier behind the counter smiled tiredly as they entered. "Welcome to Tony's Donuts, how may I help you?" 

Jesse ordered his usual, and he watched Hanzo eyeball the variety of donuts they had on display. He got Hanzo an iced tea and a plain French twist donut. They sat at Jesse's usual table, which usually sat two people.

Hanzo looked around, his eyes curious. Jesse watched him fondly, smiling.

"It certainly is. . .quiet," Hanzo commented appreciatively. 

"I knew you'd like it," Jesse said. "I come here at least twice a week. It's always a little quiet." 

Hanzo crossed his arms on the tabletop and leaned forward. "It's nice. Thank you, Jesse." He smiled.

Jesse blushed and looked away abruptly, because holy _shit_ looking at Hanzo's smile directly was like staring into the sun. His hand went to the back of his neck instinctively. "D'aww, it was nothin', I just saw how you didn't really like all that commotion at the dance, s'all." 

Hanzo laughed, a gesture that made Jesse's heart seize briefly. He saw the flashing whites of his teeth, the way one corner of his mouth lifted slightly higher than the other side like a smirk, the way his eyes seemed to shine. Jesse's finger twitched, like he wanted to reach out and touch him. 

"I enjoy this much more. I have never had a. . . _donut_ before." Hanzo glanced at the display case again. 

"Sure, anyti - wait, you've never had a donut before?" 

"No."

Jesse blinked. And blinked again. 

"Are they that good?" Hanzo asked, seeing the utterly astonished look on Jesse's face.

". . .Han, I don't know how you've managed to live in America this long without havin' a donut." 

"It has only been a year - "

"That's too long!" 

Hanzo rolled his eyes, but he was smirking. "Okay, Jesse. I am taking your word for it." 

"You won't be disappointed." 

Several minutes later, their food had been set on the table. Jesse immediately dug into his BLT and felt himself relax further. The familiar taste exploded on his taste buds and he hummed in contentment. 

He glanced up from his food and at Hanzo, who was looking curiously at the glazed exterior of the donut Jesse had chosen for him. He looked at Jesse, raised an eyebrow, and took a tentative bite. 

He chewed a moment, then said, "Not bad." 

Jesse smiled. "Don't lie to me; you love it." 

Hanzo shrugged, but he was grinning. There it was again, that damn smile. 

They ate and chatted for a while until Hanzo recieved a text from Genji asking where he'd gone. After that, while Hanzo quickly replied that he was now heading home ("My father is expecting me home within the next fifteen minutes," he explained), they got into Jesse's truck and he drove Hanzo home. 

The ride was comfortably silent aside from the sounds of the radio. Jesse's heart was really pounding now; could he count that as a date? Would _Hanzo_ count that as a date? Hell, did Hanzo know Jesse liked him? His grip on the steering wheel tightened a bit. He couldn't believe this was actually happening. He hoped Hanzo couldn't see the increasing redness in his ears in the dim light of the truck. 

He pulled into Hanzo's driveway and parked. Hanzo got out first. Jesse was wondering whether or not he should get out - Hanzo hadn't said goodbye, after all - but Hanzo had walked around the truck and stopped at the driver's seat window. He was worrying his bottom lip between his teeth and glancing at the front door. 

Jesse stepped out and leaned back against the metal of the door, waiting. 

"I had a really nice time tonight, Jesse," Hanzo said softly, not quite meeting Jesse's eyes. "Thank you."

"It's no problem," he returned, "I mean, I had a really good time, too. I actually wouldn't mind doing it again." 

He couldn't believe what he was saying.

"Because I really like hangin' out with you, y'know? And I was afraid to ask before because I was pretty sure a guy like you wouldn't want to talk to a guy like me - "

"Uh huh," Hanzo said, reaching into his pocket for something. Chapstick. He applied it to his lips, watching Jesse fondly. Jesse tried really hard not to think about how his lips looked so soft and how the streetlight by the sidewalk reflected in his eyes like a fire.

" - and I sure as hell didn't wanna approach you outta the blue because I didn't want to be weird, even though I'm pretty sure that's how I made half my friends - "

Jesse really needed to shut himself up. He was working up to asking Hanzo if he wanted to hang out again, but he started rambling instead. _Oh, God, please make it stop. . ._

" - but I really wanted to be careful 'cause I didn't wanna ruin anything, y'know? Even though you probably didn't like me - "

"Jesse." 

" - which is okay and all but I really _really_ like you and oh my God I said that out loud - "

"Jesse." 

" - Hanzo I'm so sorry if I'm just springin' all this on you at once but I - "

Hanzo stepped forward and kissed him. Jesse's mind stopped. All the words that swirled about his head like a tornado suddenly dispersed as quickly as they were conjured up and his mind was blissfully silent. He heard the crickets in the grass and the gentle smack of Hanzo's lips against his, the softness of those lips and how he could practically hear the desperate thudding of his heart in the air, he was open, open, and he felt warmth spreading from his hat to the tips of his boots. He could taste the flavor of chapstick Hanzo used, he could feel his chest pressed against his and Jesse's height forced him to stand on his tip-toes. 

Hanzo's arms wrapped around his neck and in turn Jesse let his hands rest against his back, hair tickling his fingers. He wanted to pull the hair tie out and bury his hands in its silkiness, wanted to let his hands wander and explore to sate his curiosity. 

Jesse's hands moved down to Hanzo's hips and his thumbs rubbed slow circles. It earned him a breathy, high-pitched, elated noise in the back of Hanzo's throat, his body jumping a little. 

Jesse suppressed a gasp at that sound and suddenly he wanted to hear more, he needed to hear all of the noises that would come from this pretty thing, his heart was pumping double time, adrenaline running wild as if he'd run a mile, and he was damned if he didn't want to pull Hanzo back into the car and take it just a little bit further, for just a little longer. . .

They heard the front door open and Hanzo pulled away almost immediately. Jesse felt cold. 

"Anija! You've been sitting out here for almost ten minutes, and - _oh."_  

Genji blinked several times, glancing between the two. His face slowly went from bewildered to bright.

_"Oh!!"_

Hanzo all but hissed at him, something in rapid Japanese, stepping away from Jesse completely and adjusting his shirt that really didn't need adjusting. Jesse stood, frozen, against the truck, mind reeling. 

Whatever Hanzo said must have been a threat, because Genji threw his hands up in defense, grinning. He replied in English, "Father wanted to see you. I was just wondering what was taking you so long." He smirked and waved at Jesse. "Hello, McCree." He turned and went back inside.

Jesse waved back, his face aflame. 

Hanzo huffed and faced Jesse. "Well," he began, opening and closing his mouth a few times, as if he were shocked with his own actions.

Jesse smiled a little. "You sure know how to shut a guy up, darlin'." 

Hanzo returned his smile. "You were rambling," he said, his voice gone soft, a large contrast to how sharp his words were when he talked to Genji. 

"Yeah, I noticed," he said, embarrassed, and his hand went up to the back of his neck absentmindedly. "You'd better get going, Han. Your dad wants to see you, right?"

Hanzo nodded once. "You still have my number, correct?" 

"Yessir." 

Hanzo's smile was timid, and Jesse was amused by how he'd gone from bold to schoolgirl in a matter of minutes. 

"I'll text you later. Is that alright?"

"Anything's alright with me, darlin'." 

Hanzo looked like he wanted to say something more, but Genji's drawn out "Anijaaaaa!" from the front door brought the scowl back to his face (after a record time of not seeing it, Jesse mused.)

Hanzo said, "Goodbye, Jesse," and hurriedly rushed inside of his house. 

Jesse chuckled and got inside of the truck, starting its engine. 

He gave himself a minute to collect himself before he pulled out of the driveway. 

* * *

 

When Jesse walked into his home he still felt as if he were walking on air. His heart was still light and he knew for a fact that he was smiling.

He walked past the living room to get upstairs. He didn't notice the person in the room, silently observing him.

"You're late," came Gabe's voice from the couch. 

Jesse flinched, but only a little. He turned around slowly. "Uh. . ."

"The dance ended at nine. It's ten." Gabe raised an eyebrow, standing up and walking over to Jesse. 

"I, uh. . ."

"Your face is red and you're distracted. Are you drunk? Did someone spike the punch again?" His forehead creased a bit. He didn't seem necessarily angry, which was good. 

"Gabe, I - no! No, I'm not drunk." 

His face relaxed a little. "What's wrong with you?" 

"Nothing," he said a little too quickly. How could he possibly explain how he'd just had probably the best night of his life? And how he can still feel the warmth radiating off of Hanzo in his fingers, and how his lips felt and how he pressed into Jesse's body like he wanted to melt into it -

"Jesse."

"Huh?"

"You're spacing out again." 

"Oh. Uh. Sorry." He blinked a few times, trying to regain some semblance. "Just a little distracted." He could feel the smile forming again. 

Gabe studied his face for a moment longer and then he realization hit him. "Oh, I see." 

"What?" 

Gabe just snorted at him. "Yep. I know what's wrong with you now. You just kissed somebody, didn't you?" 

Jesse spluttered a bit, mainly because he was being so transparent. 

"Uh huh, that's what I thought." Gabe sent a smirk his way before walking past him up the stairs. 

"Hey, wait a minute - !"

"Get to sleep, Jesse, I'm not taking you to school if you oversleep."

Jesse's mouth hung open for a second longer before he begrudgingly made his way into his room. 

* * *

 

Jesse was sliding into bed and about to close his eyes when his phone turned on, receiving a text message. 

He picked up his phone and read it. It was from Hanzo. He felt his heart flutter and the small smile on his face return. 

_I apologize; Genji would not stop pestering me. Before you left, I was about to say something, but I didn't get the chance to_

Jesse's breath hitched. He received another message.

_During your ramblings, I listened to every word you said. And no, I don't find you annoying Jesse_

He chuckled aloud and read on.

_I also heard you say that you liked me. And that I probably didn't like you back._

His breath caught again, worry creeping into his mind - and then the final message sent, and his heart just about burst out of his chest. He held the phone to his chest in shock, whispering "Holy fuck" into the silence of his room. 

_You were wrong. I like you too, Jesse._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two things:
> 
> 1\. Tony's Donuts is a real thing and it's down the street from my neighborhood. I walk there at least once a week. 
> 
> 2\. Hanzo applying chapstick before their first kiss is based on my first kiss. She did the same thing, put on lip balm before she just stopped me mid sentence and kissed my rambling ass. I would not stop talking, y'all.


	3. last

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter because I really wanna get to the good stuff. Next chapter should be up within the next couple of days. ;) 
> 
> Sorry if it's formatted weird here - I changed a couple major things right before I published this.

Jesse is getting the heavy feeling in his shoulders again.

This feeling - this feeling that someone had placed two barbells on each of his collarbones - could only mean one thing, and he prays that maybe he is just stressed. That's all it is. Stress.

But as the day drags on, his mind clouds with a thick, murky darkness. One that makes it difficult for him to get out of bed, take care of himself, take care of Mai.

He stares off into nothing that night after the feeling starts and he can't bring himself to persuade his body to get out of bed. A statue covered up to its shoulders with a thick blanket, he stares at Mai's crib, wanting to get up to bid his little girl good night and finds that his body does not want to move.

He breathes slowly, wishing the feeling away. It lingers, touching his mind, whispering "no" in his ears. It is staying. It is content right where it is.

Jesse relents and lets it have its way, not bothering to ignore the endless swirl of thoughts that push their way to the front of his mind for his full attention.

_Hanzo will never get to meet his own daughter._

He barely flinches, knowing that will be the first of many negative thoughts. They occur in a twisted sort of order.

_You ruined it. You will never get to kiss him again and you will never get to see his smile. You ruined it._

Mai coos softly, drowsily, from her crib.

_You got him pregnant. How fucking irresponsible. He had a life to live and you took that away from him. Just fucking give up already._

Jesse shuts his eyes.

_You ruined it._

* * *

 

Jesse eventually shuffles out of bed and scoops Mai into his arms, his closed-off mind not allowing him to respond to her excited "Da-da!"

He ventures down the hallway, stops at Gabe's door and knocks softly.

"Come in," comes his muffled voice.

Jesse pushes open the door, greeted by the sight of Gabe sitting up against the headboard and on his tablet, and the tuft of blonde hair who Jesse can only assume is Jack, facedown in his pillow and snoring softly, his arm wrapped around Gabe's waist.

"Hey Gabe," Jesse says, and hides a wince when he hears how coarse his voice sounds, "mind watching Mai tonight?"

"Sure," Gabe answers, not bothering to look up from his tablet. He doesn't ask why. Jesse is grateful for that.

Jesse murmurs a "thanks" and gives him Mai, who protests loudly. Jack stirs in his sleep.

Gabe shushes her gently, cradling her in his arms after setting his tablet down.

Jesse wants to smile at the domesticity, but his face is frozen. He leaves without another word.

He returns to his room and locks the door. 

 


	4. first

Jesse, after about a month of _officially_ dating, found himself wondering how he went and got himself somebody as pretty as Hanzo Shimada.

Those sharp, hawk-like eyes that softened around the edges when he was in a good mood. He tended to tuck his hair behind his right ear and more often than not he kept it in a loose ponytail with two bangs. His smile tended to tilt more to the left, brown eyes shining.

He made Jesse's heart pound, knowing that he was _all his,_ that _Jesse_ was the one who got to kiss him and hold him and text him late at night.

Jesse also found himself wondering if he was taking this too seriously. He hadn't really been in any relationships before this; contemplated it, sure, but never considered a serious relationship.

He didn't know if he could do this.

Jesse could be distant. There would come a moment where he would push everything away and not exist for a moment. He'd stop returning texts and calls. He'd avoid his friends in the hallway. He wouldn't tell them why, couldn't tell them way.

That might explain why he'd lost so many of them.

Jesse never explained to Gabe what happened after that kiss. He wanted to give it time, not tell Gabe that he was falling head-over-heels for this boy, or that he'd sneak the truck out in the middle of the night for late conversations and make out sessions in the back seat. He didn't tell a soul.

Hanzo didn't seem to mind. He didn't tell anybody, either.

* * *

 

Jesse learned quickly of Mr. Shimada's strictness.

The man was just about the spitting image of Hanzo, except he donned a well-trimmed beard and his lips looked like they hadn't smiled in a few decades. His eyes were judging, especially when Jesse dropped Hanzo off past his curfew (8PM, which Jesse found absolutely absurd). His accent was thick and he mostly spoke in quick, steely Japanese around his sons. He was always reprimanding them, it seemed.

Both Hanzo and his brother seemed used to it. However, they were both appalled by Jesse's lack of restrictions.

"You get to drive wherever you want?" Genji asked incredulously, like Jesse had just told them a fairy tale.

"Yeah," Jesse said slowly. "I just ask."

Both Genji and Hanzo shared bewildered looks.

"What?" Jesse asked, officially confused.

"We have to be driven places," Hanzo explained. "Father generally does not like us out in public."

Jesse's left eyebrow could not go any higher. "What?" he asked again.

Again, the brothers shared looks. Their eyes were identically uneasy.

"Maybe I will explain one day," Hanzo sighed. And for the time being, that was all Jesse got from him.

Mr. Shimada didn't ever ask the two if they were together. It didn't seem like he suspected a thing. Hanzo deemed it best to keep it that way.

"Will you ever tell him?" Jesse asked one day, as they lay in the bed of the truck, covered in a thick blanket.

Hanzo continued staring up at the purpling sky, his fingers twitching where they were interlocked with Jesse's. "Which part?"

"The part about you being gay," Jesse said.

Hanzo's eyes closed for a brief moment before they opened again. They were weary, closed-off. "Probably not."

Jesse's chest tightened with the thought of having to tiptoe around Hanzo's father, but he masked his disappointment and asked, "Why? Just out of curiosity."

Hanzo turned to look at him. He stared for almost a whole minute before he gave a tiny, barely decipherable smile. "Because I am afraid of what he will say."

Jesse was silent for a very long time. Eventually, Hanzo turned back to the sky, his face. . .regretting. Like telling Jesse that information was a mistake.

Jesse thought of Gabe, then. The fear that Gabe would look at him differently. Gabe wasn't very judging. At least, he didn't let it show. But who knew? Who could really _not_ be afraid, when it came to these things?

"Me too," he said softly.

Hanzo turned to him again, questioning.

Jesse tightened his hand around Hanzo. "I'm afraid, too."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry y'all. . .drama with my girlfriend that I previously mentioned. Broke up with her a few weeks ago. It was a mutual break-up, but she's been spreading rumors about my friends and I. It's been so crazy. . .group of girls almost jumped us today. Said we had been sending my ex death threats or something. . .ugh. She just. . .ugh. 
> 
> I'll probably be writing a lot more, though. I've got two more orchestra concerts and a concerto competition this week but other than that I'm not busy at all. ;D Hope you guys enjoyed!


	5. last

Jesse is proud to say he's never gotten blackout drunk. Not once. Not even after parties. Not even in his gang days.

He can say that he's gotten drunk enough that his memory is wiped cleaned the morning after. And oh, what a trip the morning after always is.

He can remember some things. Stumbling into the house, knocking into the kitchen table (that usually comes first) and then the loud clinking of glass as he clumsily searches for a cup so that he can quench his thirst for water.

  
He remembers breaking a plate. Gabe reamed his ass for that one.

Then comes Gabe, guiding him to bed silently and angrily, listening to Jesse's ramblings. It's usually the next morning, when Jesse is nursing the headache from hell and hanging his head over a trash can that Gabe decides it's best to yell at him.

One night stands out in particular. Jesse can always remember it like it happened yesterday.

This had been the third time he'd gotten this drunk in a month. Except, instead of going straight to bed, he snagged another beer from the fridge and went out on the back porch, swaying back and fourth, clutching the neck of the bottle so hard he wouldn't have been surprised if the glass shattered in his hand.

His tongue felt too thick to talk properly but he mumbled to himself, curses and angry mutterings that slurred together in one seemingly messy sentence.

He took another swig from the bottle, even though his stomach felt uneasy already and he knew it was all gonna come back up in the morning, the warm slide of liquid down his throat quelled his pain a little.

He didn't hear the patio door slide open. No, he doesn't remember that. Just Gabe's sudden presence, how he gently pried the bottle from Jesse's loose hands and took a swig for himself. They both stood staring at the setting sun.

"You know, Jesse," he began, and his voice sounded rough with something that Jesse couldn't put his finger on, "it's tough seeing you like this. You haven't been this. . .angry. . .since your Deadlock days, kid."

Jesse didn't respond. At least, he thinks he didn't.

"You were pissed off at the world," Gabe continued. "Quite the hassle. Damn near every word out of your mouth was an insult. Didn't think a thirteen-year-old could teach _me_ new curse words."

Jesse must have laughed, because Gabe smirked at him.

"Getting you out of Deadlock was my first step." Gabe paused, took a swig, and sighed. "But it was hard. By then you'd accepted them as your new family."

"Never forgot my old one," Jesse mumbled. That he remembers. He remembers the defensive tone his voice took on, to which Gabe shrugged.

"Never said you didn't. Point is, at that point you were convinced that Deadlock was best after your parents. . ." Gabe trailed off. "Imagine my surprise when I get a call saying a _kid_ was causing a bunch of ruckus at a gas station."

Jesse winced. _That_ was embarrassing.

"You're not that angry boy I had to drag to the station, Jesse," Gabe said, his voice quiet. "You're not a kid anymore. You've been through shit and will continue to go through shit. But it's nothing you can't handle." He turned to look directly at Jesse this time, but Jesse didn't move. His eyes were watering.

"You've got a little girl in there." He gestured at the house. "Time to stop being angry. It's time to do this - everything - for _her."_

And with that, he turned and left, taking the beer with him.

Jesse felt shame crawling up his back and sighed. His head clearer than before, he too turned and entered the house.

* * *

 

That is why, when Jesse locks himself in his room, when he leaves Mai with Gabe and Jack, he lays in bed, and he doesn't touch the case of beer he keeps in his mini-fridge. His fingers don't itch for a cigarette. He lays in bed and breathes.

He breathes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to make Gabe's speech kinda harsh, but he really does care for Jesse, so I kind of made it in between.
> 
> alt. chapter title: in which Jesse is a very angsty, sad boi :c


	6. first

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jesse is 17 and Hanzo is 18. Please don't sue me.
> 
> I don't wanna put an underage tag to scare people away - just know this is all consensual!!!

It was around their third, almost fourth month of dating, when Jesse decided to start keeping condoms in his car.

Not like he was going to spontaneously jump Hanzo's bones or anything. Things were just. . .starting to heat up a bit, is all.

The late night makeouts went from being once every week and a half or so to almost every other day. They couldn't find it within themselves to stay off of each other. Hanzo held his hand more frequently at school. He stole a kiss before they went to their separate classes (which evoked catcalls from several of Jesse's friends). When they were close, snuggling up on Jesse's couch before Gabe got home, Jesse's heart pounded with. . .something he'd never felt before. His cheeks got hot. That never happened before, not when they hugged, not when they sat next to each other. What was wrong with him? Why did it feel like electricity shot down his spine whenever he and Hanzo touched?

Longing. That's what it felt like. _Want_.

When he came to this realization, he had half a mind to clear the thought away completely, but. . .it lingered.

It was there when he kissed Hanzo goodnight before letting him out of the truck.

It was there when they texted each other, a plethora of heart emojis.

It was there when Jesse lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling, thinking of Hanzo, thinking of them. . .

And from then on, Jesse woke up almost every morning flushed, sweaty, and in desperate need of a change of boxers.

One night, Jesse picked up Hanzo from his house, as usual. Nothing was different. They drove to the park, as usual. Jesse turned off the engine and turned towards Hanzo, whose eyes sparkled. His smile was sly. As usual.

Nothing was different.

Except, it was there. Lingering. Longing.

_Want._

When Hanzo leaned over and closed his eyes, Jesse leaned back awkwardly, nervousness settling in his stomach.

Hanzo frowned when he didn't feel lips on his. He immediately looked concerned. "Jesse? What's wrong?"

"I -" Come to think of it, there wasn't anything wrong, not really. He was just. . .nervous.

He swallowed. It. . .wouldn't hurt to ask, right?

"I. . .just wanted to know, if, uh. . ."

Hanzo's head cocked to the side. Jesse just about melted.

"If you wanted to. . .try somethin'?"

Jesse mentally patted himself on the back for not rambling.

Hanzo squinted a little. "What do you mean?"

Jesse felt his heart stop a bit, like he'd just offended his boyfriend. "I mean, uh. . .more than just kissin'?" _What are you, twelve, Jesse?_ he reprimanded himself. _Get it together!_

Hanzo sat back a little. He looked away, his face flushing. He remained quiet for several, tortuous seconds and Jesse wanted to kick himself. He finally opened his mouth to say, "I have never gone that far before."

Jesse nodded. "Me neither," he blurted. "But, we don't have to go _too_ far, y'know? We could just. . ." He trailed off.

Hanzo turned to him again, sheepish. "I am. . .not entirely sure I want to go that far."

Jesse nodded again, tried not to let his disappointment show. "That's alright. I'll wait as long as you want me to, sweetheart."

Hanzo smiled a little, tucking a lock of hair behind his ear, and Jesse relaxed.

He leaned back and turned the music up just a smidge, soft tunes thrumming from the speakers.

They sat together in silence for a while, and Jesse hadn't noticed, but their hands somehow made their way to one another.

* * *

 

It was about a week later, in their usual spot at the park, in the back of the truck and holding each other, when something was different again.

When in the back of the truck, their nightly ritual, there was lots of kissing. Jesse would bury his hands in Hanzo's long hair, usually free of its ponytail, and Hanzo's hands would vary between gripping Jesse's shoulders or cradling his face. Their breathing would get heavy, skin would flush red, and on more than one occasion both of their arousals were noticeable, but both were too scared to do anything about it.

Tonight. Tonight was different.

Hanzo's hands were seemingly all over the place, tugging at the hair at the nape of Jesse's neck, practically devouring Jesse's lips and crawling into his lap.

Jesse grunted into his mouth and pulled away with a huff of air, laughing when Hanzo tried to chase after his lips. "What's gotten into you, Han?"

"I change my mind," he said. His cheeks were pink, barely decipherable in the darkness of the truck. He took a shaky breath. "I change my mind. I want to try something different."

Jesse just about exploded, but he nodded, swallowing hard. "W-well, what didja have in mind, sweetpea?"

Hanzo bit his lip and slid off of Jesse's lap, before moving a bit and laying down flat against the seats, legs bent at the knee because of the lack of space. He pulled Jesse down so that they were chest-to-chest. Jesse's heart was beating overtime.

"Like this."

"Holy shit," Jesse breathed before he could stop himself, and Hanzo just laughed before pulling his head down to kiss him again.

Something about this was much more. . .intimate. The closeness of their bodies, the way Hanzo's hands caressed him and their heavy panting. Things feel like they were moving too fast, so fast. . .

Jesse broke away from Hanzo's lips to pepper kisses along his cheeks and jawline. His body was on autopilot but his heart was thudding so hard he was sure Hanzo could hear it.

When he looked up to meet eyes with his lover his eyes were half-lidded, watching Jesse with interest, a look that said, "What are you waiting for?"

Jesse ducked down to press a short, chaste kiss to his lips before moving downward to Hanzo's neck.

This was getting intense.

He had never gone farther than this, than kissing Hanzo on the lips. This. . .this was a line he'd never asked to cross, a line he'd never crossed with anyone else. He was halfway prepared for Hanzo to tell him to stop, and when he felt a hand tangle in his hair he was almost sure that was a warning, but the hand held tight and did not move. In fact, Hanzo angled his head to the right to give Jesse more room to work, his breathing heavy.

_Holy shit. Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit -_

Jesse pressed a tentative kiss to the smooth, pale skin of Hanzo's neck, seeing if that would evoke any kind of reaction. It didn't. He did it some more, feeling his confidence drain a bit. Nothing.

He moved asked Hanzo's shirt and trailed down his shoulder, searching for a sensitive spot with no luck. Finally, he got his teeth around a patch of skin and bit lightly.

Hanzo gave a little gasp, his body tensing.

Oh- _ho._

From then on, he nipped, sucked, and kissed the skin of Hanzo's shoulders and neck, making sure not to leave marks that would be visible the next day. Hanzo would be grateful for that later.

"More," Hanzo whispered, and Jesse shuddered at the sound of his voice, "more."

Jesse's hands were shaking when he pushed up Hanzo's shirt so that it scrunched up against his collarbones.

And, oh. _Oh_.

He could only send his thank-you prayers to whatever god is up there watching him, because if that wasn't the prettiest sight he'd seen in his entire life, he didn't know what was.

Jesse leaned down and got started marking up Hanzo's chest with the fervency of a man on a mission, caressing the ample pecs with his hands and thumbing hardened nipples, laving the skin with chaste kisses.

Hanzo was making the most beautiful noises - and Jesse had never heard his lover make such obscene sounds - light pants and soft moans, high in the back of his throat. When Jesse glanced up, his eyes were slits and staring dazedly into outer space, lips parted and bitten, eyebrows drawn up in bliss. Jesse could feel insistent hips pushing up into his, and he breathed out a groan himself.

 _Not that far,_ Jesse reminded himself, and purposely tried to distract himself from the hardness pushing against his thigh.

He closed his lips around a nub of flesh and Hanzo all but _mewled,_ his grip in Jesse's hair tightening further as he pushed his head against his chest. His hips were moving faster, his pants desperate, interspersed with barely-there moans.

Pulling Jesse's hair hard enough to make the latter grunt unhappily, he brought him up for a rough kiss, raking his fingers down Jesse's clothed back, their hips moving in sync, and all Jesse could feel was _wantwantwantwantwant -_

Hanzo broke the kiss to shove Jesse's face into his neck and cry out, tensing, hips stilling, shaking.

Jesse rode out possibly the best orgasm of his life biting Hanzo's neck and huffing like he'd just run a marathon on Jupiter, for the moment not caring that both of their pants were positively _soaked_.

When they managed to come down from their high, they stared at each other, breaths mingling.

They didn't need to speak to know that there was no going back now. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol sorry y'all I didn't know how to end the fic 
> 
> things are gonna get a little (͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) spicy (͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) from now on just a heads up 
> 
> AKA super virgin mccree who probably uses wikihow to know how to do half the stuff he's gonna do


	7. last

"I'm thinking about proposing to Jack," Gabe says out of nowhere at breakfast.

Jesse all but chokes on his milk, airways seizing up, and Gabe has to get up and whack his back couple of times to get him breathing again.

"Jesus Christ," Jesse wheezes, wiping the excess milk from his chin with the back if his hand. "Warn a guy."

"Sorry," Gabe says. "Didn't know how to start the conversation."

Jesse dismisses him with a gesture of his hand and says, "So what makes you wanna marry him?"

Gabe shrugs, sitting back down and running a hand through curly, messy hair. "Well, we've been together for almost two years."

"Mmhmm." Jesse takes a bite of toast, giving Gabe an inquisitive look.

"And, well. . ." He pauses.

"You love him," Jesse says for him.

"I really _really_ like him," Gabe replies indignantly.

"Uh huh."

Gabe scowls but otherwise doesn't comment. "I don't know. Still gotta figure everything out first."

"Are you nervous?"

Gabe scoffs and looks away, but Jesse knows better. Beneath the tough-guy persona is a fatherly figure, a man who'd always wanted nothing short of a family. The way his brows furrow with thought in the silence of the room shows his uncertainty.

Jesse finishes off his toast and stands to throw away his paper plate. "You know you've got nothin' to worry about, right? From what I've seen, Jack feels exactly the same way."

Gabe's fiddling with the shirtsleeve of his jacket - an inconvenient habit, the only sign of his nervousness. "Yeah, but he probably doesn't want to move too fast."

It's Jesse's turn to scoff. "It's been two years - he might think y'all aren't moving fast _enough."_

That makes Gabe chuckle. "You're probably right about that, too." He still looks hesitant, but his shoulders have relaxed.

"That's what I'm here for."

They both turn their heads at the sound of Mai whining from upstairs.

Jesse sends a small smile towards Gabe. "That's my cue."

"Yeah, and I should probably get to work." Gabe stands up, checking the time on his phone.

"I'll see you when you get home." Jesse turns to leave.

"Jesse."

He pauses. "Yeah?"

"Thanks."

* * *

 

Upstairs, Jesse imagines a family. He imagines family photos and vacations and dinners - holidays and smiles. He imagines Jack and Gabe's wedding - gold bands decorating their fingers - he imagines Mai, missing teeth and blowing bubbles, stained pink overalls and dolls.

He imagines Hanzo.

He thinks of what their wedding would be like. Knowing Hanzo, he'd want something traditional, something that was part of his culture. He wonders if he could convince Hanzo to leave his hair down.

His mind wonders to Mai, who is fast asleep on his chest after being fed. He can imagine her toddling on two stubby legs down the aisle, clutching blue flowers in her small hands, giggling and stumbling and smelling the flowers.

He imagines their vows. He imagines the kiss. He imagines the pictures to be taken, the first slice of cake - red velvet with cream cheese frosting - the little bit of icing on the corner of Jesse's lips that Hanzo would wipe away fondly. He can feel the warm weight of Hanzo's hand in his, the cold contrast of their wedding rings.

His chest hurts.

Sinking his head into the pillow underneath it, he closes his eyes. He has long since run dry on tears. All he can do now is ache.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SO SORRY GUYS I'VE BEEN IN EUROPE - 
> 
> Let me just say - international data roaming SUCKS! I haven't had Internet until this week. I've been writing in my phone's memo. I'm so sorry!!!! :c


	8. first

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jesse proposes that he and Hanzo take things a step further and also receives the shock of his life. (It's probably not what you think lol)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooooooooo I have some explaining to do!! But I'll leave that in the end notes. For now just enjoy all 5,000 words of smut I spent all day writing lmao it's 5AM 
> 
> Also PLEASE tell me if I accidentally switch tenses. I tend to start writing in present tense without realizing - this chapter is supposed to be in past tense. :c

It was probably a week after their "first time" (the quotations meaning the first time they'd ever done anything even remotely sexual) that _it_ happened.

"It" was nothing serious. Except, it kind of was.

They were at the park again. He gently pulled away from Hanzo, who chased after his lips before Jesse put a hand to his chest with a soft "Hey." Hanzo, his eyes hazy, stopped and looked at Jesse confusedly.

"Wanna. . .go a little further?"

"What do you mean?" Hanzo had asked, but something about the way he stilled in an almost indecipherable manner told Jesse that he knew exactly what he meant.

"Like. . .maybe instead of, y'know, doing stuff in the car. . .you could come to my house instead?" Jesse's face was on fire. It sounded utterly ridiculous out loud, like he was asking Hanzo to line dance with him on a tight rope stretching across the Grand Canyon. It wasn't like Hanzo hadn't been to his house before.

Hanzo's eyes were as wide as his. His voice was distant. "I. . .yes. Sure."

And so, they situated themselves back in the front seat and pulled out of the parking lot.

Jesse's hands were shaking slightly, his heart thundering against his ribcage. _Holy shit. Ho-ly shit._ Were they really going to do this? He couldn't believe this was happening - that Hanzo was rosy-faced and just as nervous as him in the seat next to him.

They pulled up to his house and exited the car in a manner that could only be described as unsure. Hanzo was blushing fiercely, a heavy presence behind Jesse. Jesse fumbled for his house key, taking slow calculated breaths.

He got the door unlocked and he took Hanzo's hand, guiding him inside. The lights were off, there wasn't the sound of the television in the living room.

"Gabe should be out," Jesse whispered, close to Hanzo's ear. It was seven in the evening. Gabe tended to get home closer to ten. They had plenty of time. "Does your dad need you home anytime soon?"

"No," Hanzo answered, his hands tightening around Jesse's. He was still avoiding his eyes, looking at the floor.

Jesse nodded, and they both lapsed into thick silence. His mind was still reeling - once they did what they were about to do, then what? What if he fucked up? Did he have condoms upstairs? Lube? Did people normally plan ahead for this sort of thing?

Hanzo was staring at him. His eyes were glittering in the sunset's light filtering through the window above the sink. "Jesse?" he asked softly.

Jesse bit his lip. "Are ya sure you wanna do this, Han?" He was still whispering.

Hanzo's eyes were searching his. They flicked down to his lips and back up. "I trust you," was all he said. He then reached up and grabbed a fistful of Jesse's hair, pulling him into a slow kiss.

Jesse didn't respond for several moments, hesitant. It was only when Hanzo's arms draped around his shoulders and he made a soft noise in the back of his throat did Jesse place his hands on Hanzo's hips and give into the sweet slide of lips against his.

They stood there for a while, making out by the front door, until Jesse pulled away for the second time that night. "My room's upstairs," he breathed, achingly hard in his jeans and his insides warm.

Hanzo only nodded, his pupils blown wide and his lips kiss-swollen.

Jesse took Hanzo's hand and led them in the direction of the stairs, and to do that, they had to go through the living room.

A noise from the couch stopped him at the doorway.

Jesse stiffened and turned in confusion, only to be met with a sight that years of therapy wouldn't scrub away.

_"Gabe?!"_

A pause.

"Oh, for the love of Christ," Gabe muttered from his place on top of another man. The man under him was hiding his face in Gabe's shoulder. All Jesse could see was a tuft of blonde hair.

Jesse's mind short-circuited. This was _Gabe._ The imperious Gabriel Reyes, on top of a  _man_.

Hanzo stood behind Jesse, tight-lipped, face aflame.

While Jesse sputtered for words, Gabe reached for the floor and covered he and the mysterious man with a previously discarded blanket.

"Uh," Jesse said, his throat dry.

"I knew the couch was a bad idea," the man grumbled. "Get off of me."

He and Hanzo could never cuddle on the couch again.

Gabe sighed and slid out partially from under the blanket, slipping into a loose pair of sweatpants that also lay discarded on the floor. Jesse finally got a good look at who the man was, and -

"Mr. Morrison?!" Jesse exclaimed, and the man in question winced.

"Hello, Jesse," he said weakly.

Gabe stood and gave Jesse an unreadable look. "Nice timing, Jesse."

"I - "

"Who's this?" He gestured to the still-frozen-in-place Hanzo.

It hit Jesse then that not only did Gabe not know that he was in a relationship, but he did not know that he was in a relationship with _another boy._

"I - uh, he's - "

Jesse glanced back at Hanzo, whose eyes were hardened with something that could only be described as encouragement. He gave a light nod and took Jesse's hand in his. Squeezed.

Jesse turned back to Gabe, who's eyebrows had risen considerably. "This is. . .Hanzo. H-he's my, uh, boyfriend." At the squeezing in his chest, he realized he'd never admitted it outright before. He usually let people guess.

Gabe blinked a few times. Then his eyes narrowed. "What were you two planning on doing?"

Jesse could only bemoan the irony of the situation - Gabe, half-dressed, shameless, caught flushed and sweaty on top of Jesse's U.S. history teacher from last year, asking Jesse if he was _going to have sex_.

"Nothin'," Jesse said. He shrugged. "Just hangin' out."

"Hmm. So _that's_ why you've been taking the truck, huh?"

He heard Hanzo make a choked noise behind him. Jesse's face was still trying to decided whether to flush red or drain completely. Jack was watching the whole ordeal from underneath the blanket.

"Look, can we talk about this later? You're still kind of half naked." Jesse actually found that he didn't care about that. Gabe tended to walk down the halls in nothing but a towel. It was the situation that made him uncomfortable. The thought of _Gabe_ of all people, having _sex?_ It made him shudder.

Gabe looked like he wanted to argue, but with a firm nudge from Jack, he sighed, and began searching for his shirt. "One hour."

Jesse nodded and pulled Hanzo up the stairs and to his room.

* * *

 

"That was disgusting," Jesse decided once he closed the door. He sat on the bed and put his head in his hands, groaning. "I _never_  wanted to see that."

Hanzo agreed with a hum, sitting next to Jesse. He still looked shaken. "That was. . .quite unexpected."

"I'm sorry you had to see that, Han." He sighed and slung an arm over his shoulders, squeezing him.

Hanzo huffed a laugh. "That is not what I meant."

Jesse turned his head to give him a questioning glance. "Hm?"

"You were so worried about what Gabe would say about you being gay, when it turns out that he is also in a relationship with another man."

Jesse's eyebrows rose. Hanzo looked at him pointedly.

"You had nothing to be afraid of, Jesse. Don't beat yourself up."

He couldn't say that a weight wasn't lifted off of his chest when he finally confessed his relationship with Hanzo. But there was still something there. Something nagging at him.

"I don't think that was it," Jesse realized.

Hanzo looks on, patient.

"I think I was afraid of seemin' weak."

"How so?"

"Well, when I was growin' up, love and relationships and all that were the last thing on my mind," he said quietly, frowning. "I came to think that you were weak if you got yourself tangled up with another person like that." He remembered his fellow Deadlock members - young and old, hardened and cold. Love wasn't something he'd received a whole lot of. "I don't like thinkin' that way anymore."

"But it is still there," Hanzo finished for him, his voice far away. Something in his eyes told Jesse that he understood perfectly.

Jesse nodded.

Hanzo looked down at his hands. "My father was the same way. Cold, distant. More so toward Genji. We both sought his approval. We fought over it constantly." He sighed. "It was not until recently that Genji started to care less and less about my father's opinion." Hanzo's hands clenched. "He may hate me for nagging him, but it is for the best. Our father only wants the best. I know he loves us."

Jesse quelled the anger he felt stirring in his gut. It explained a lot of Hanzo's actions. Jesse found himself hesitant at the thought of _love, forever, together, bound,_ but Hanzo, he threw himself after it. Seeking the approval and affections he didn't receive as a child.

Jesse said nothing and pulled Hanzo closer, nuzzling his face into fruit-scented hair.

They sat a while, stewing in their own thoughts.

* * *

 

Jesse found himself arisen by a short knock on the door. Disoriented, he struggled to remember when he had fallen asleep.

Hanzo lay next to him, hands by his face that was halfway nestled into a pillow. His lips were parted, he and Jesse's close proximity allowing him to feel the warm puffs of breath on his face.

As quietly as possible, he got off of the bed and padded to the door. He opened it to Gabe, who gestured to step outside.

"You ready to talk?" He probably didn't mean it, but Gabe sounded like he'd gone into interrogation mode.

"Yeah," Jesse sighed, and closed the door behind him. He followed Gabe to the living room, where Jack was seated on the couch, waiting expectantly. Jesse internally groaned.

Jesse sat in the arm chair diagonal to the couch and immediately dropped his gaze to the floor.

"Relax, I'm not gonna yell at you," Gabe said, sitting himself next to Jack. "I'm just curious. Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

Of course Gabe suspected that they'd been dating for a while. Jesse shrugged. "I dunno. I was nervous."

Gabe seemed to understand that, as he didn't prompt for further explanation. He sat back. "You know I don't care about all that, right?" His voice had lost its edge. It sounded tenderer.

Jesse looked up once. "I know that now."

They went silent for a moment. Jack frowned and elbowed Gabe, making a "Go on," gesture with his eyes.

Gabe sighed. "Look, as long as you're happy, I don't care about all of that. Okay? You shouldn't have to be afraid of what I think. You can talk to me."

Jesse nodded again. He wasn't used to this. He and Gabe didn't do "talks." There was always some sort of unspoken understanding between the two of them.

"Thanks," Jesse murmured.

Gabe gave a long sigh. "Good. So. . .do I need to give you _'the talk'?"_

Jesse was confused for a moment. "But we're already. . . _oh."_ His face was suddenly flaming. "Oh! No, I know plenty about that stuff, I think I'm good."

"So you know about condoms, lubricant - "

"Yes!" Jesse could feel the uncomfortableness from earlier creeping up on him again. Jack was laughing behind his hand.

"Have you both been tested before?"

"I have, and I think Hanzo has too - "

"Are either of you fertile?"

"I don't think so - "

"What about birth control?"

Oh, jeez. "Gabe!"

He ceased his rapid-fire questions.

Jesse sighed. "We'll be safe. I promise."

Gabe seemed to visibly relax at that. "Good." He leaned over the side of the couch and gave him a bag. "Here."

"What's - "

"Don't open it yet." He stood up, and Jack followed. "Don't stay up too late, either." They were probably going out, then.

"It's Friday night, Gabe."

"You know what I mean." His eyes narrowed in an almost dangerous manner. Jack glared at him with a warning, "Gabe!"

Jesse caught his drift right away. "Oh! Okay, I won't."

And with that, Jack and Gabe headed off toward the kitchen. Jesse stopped at the bottom of the stairs.

"Wait!"

Gabe paused in the doorway.

"Does that mean Hanzo can stay the night?"

Gabe shrugged. "Sure. If that's fine with his parents."

Jesse smiled.

Gabe's face screwed up with disgust. "Ugh, just don't do anything. At least, not while I'm here."

Jesse just laughed and returned to his room.

* * *

 

Hanzo was still fast asleep when he closed the door behind him. He'd turned over on his stomach, one leg drawn up toward his chest. Jesse snapped a quick picture before he sat down on the edge of the bed. It was then Hanzo's eyes fluttered open, dazed.

"Han," Jesse said quietly, cradling his face in one hand and thumbing his cheek. "You can stay the night if you want. Gabe doesn't mind."

Hanzo hummed. His hand came up and wrapped itself around Jesse's wrist and his eyes slipped closed again. "Okay."

Jesse smiled. "You wanna get comfortable first, darlin'?" Both he and Hanzo were still wearing their jeans and shoes.

Hanzo yawned and sat up, eyes half closed as he drowsily shimmied off his jeans and let them slide to the floor. Jesse did the same, and they both crawled under the covers. It was almost nine o'clock, and the sun was setting. The room was getting steadily darker.

"Goodnight, Hanzo," Jesse murmured. He placed a kiss on the crown of Hanzo's forehead.

Hanzo yawned again and muttered something in Japanese, a rare occurrence. Jesse could only imagine that it meant something along the lines of "Goodnight to you too."

* * *

 

Jesse awoke abruptly when he felt the bed shift. Hanzo was sitting up, rubbing his eyes. It was still pitch-black dark outside.

"Wha' time issit?" Jesse slurred, still slightly confused and half-asleep.

Hanzo glanced over at the clock on the nightstand. "It's three in the morning." His voice was rough and deepened with sleep. Jesse decided that he liked it.

Jesse too sat up, stretching with a groan.

"You talk in your sleep," Hanzo said abruptly.

"Pardon?" It caught him off guard.

"You were talking. In your sleep."

Jesse blinked a few times before his mouth curled in amusement. "Really? What'd I say?"

"I do not know. It was in a different language." In the darkness, Hanzo's eyes were glittering with silent laughter.

Jesse's smirk got wider. "Probably Spanish." He reached over and turned on the lamp, and the sudden light made both of them squint briefly. He turned back to Hanzo but something made him stop.

Hanzo had taken his shirt off.

Hanzo caught was he was looking at and became sheepish. "Your room is very hot."

"That's not it," Jesse muttered, his hands coming up to gently palm Hanzo's chest. "Goddamn. Really did a number on you, huh?"

Hanzo's chest was still bruised with red and light purple marks. He winced. "Aw, shit, I'm sorry, darlin'." He started to take his hands away.

"No," Hanzo said quickly, grabbing Jesse's wrists. "No. I. . .I liked it."

Jesse looked into his eyes, searching. They were tentative, hesitant, but there it was. Want. Longing. Vulnerable and naked, pinned under Jesse's gaze.

"Han. . ." His heart skipped. He licked his lips, chest aching.

Hanzo's hands found their way onto Jesse's shoulders. A familiar gesture that suddenly felt strange while they lay together in Jesse's bed, soft glow of the lamp encasing them.

They leaned in simultaneously, breaths mingling. Hanzo's nose brushed his. Their eyes were probably crossed, staring at each other. Jesse's voice was airy when he spoke.

"Do you really want to. . ?"

"Yes."

They were kissing. It felt like home and unusual at the same time. Its intent was different. They both knew what would happen from there.

Hanzo inched closer, chest pressed against Jesse's T-shirt, his lips desperate.

Jesse's hand snuck up into Hanzo's hair and slipped it out of its ponytail. He pulled his lover as close as possible, sighing. His body was tingling excitedly, his lower half throbbing with heat.

He gently turned them so that Hanzo was laying flat on his back, Jesse holding himself up with his arms above him. He tried not to think about the fact that he was in between Hanzo's thighs.

Hanzo was staring up at him with what could only be described as "bedroom eyes," his cheeks dusted with pink. He was trembling.

His hands came up to caress Jesse's face, sliding his palms along Jesse's skin until he reached the collar of his T-shirt. His eyes flashed.

Jesse got the hint and leaned up so that he could pull his shirt off and throw it somewhere across the room.

He let Hanzo's eyes rove over his exposed chest. His breath now came in short pants at the heated gaze.

Hanzo's hands resumed their traveling, stopping on each of his pecs. They weren't as defined as Hanzo's, but he seemed pleased enough, if the way the mischievous look that creeped into his eyes was anything to go by.

Jesse's breath hitched when nimble fingers inched closer to his nipples. He was so worked up already. He couldn't guarantee that this would last for very long.

Hanzo's hands suddenly slipped to his shoulder blades and pulled gently, urging him downwards. Jesse was prepared to go in for a kiss but instead Hanzo slid down the bed a bit until he was directly underneath Jesse's chest.

Hanzo's eyes were on him when he took one of Jesse's nipples into his mouth immediately.

 _"Hah,"_ Jesse let out unintentionally. He felt his cheeks burn. He didn't make much noise when they did these things. He silently cursed Hanzo's mouth.

Hanzo's other hand snuck up to thumb his other nipple, and Jesse gasped. He'd never felt like this, _never,_ it was too little and too much all at once. His hips thrusted once against Hanzo's thigh, biting his lip and scrunching his eyes shut. It wouldn't be soon before he started leaking into his boxers.

"Hanzo," he heard himself say. His voice was breathy, he was panting. "Hanzo."

His lover pulled off of his skin with a soft pop and nudged him so that he would roll over. They switched positions - Jesse now laid on his back, staring up into mahogany eyes. Curtains of Hanzo's long black hair brushed against his skin and sent a wave of static down his spine.

Hanzo planted a wet kiss in the middle of his chest before he started to kiss his way down Jesse's ribs and his stomach, hands caressing his sides. Pushing the covers back, his eyes continued to wander - taking in every available inch of Jesse's skin. He nibbled along the waistband of his straining boxers.

Every one of Jesse's breaths held barely-concealed moans, hips twitching in anticipation. He couldn't believe this was happening - it was all too much. . .too much. . .he felt like he'd come alone just from Hanzo's teasing.

He needed more.

  
His hips jerked again. Hanzo's eyes flicked up to his, uncertainty making his eyes lose their lust-induced cloudiness.

"I've never done this before," Hanzo said, like he needed to clarify as if Jesse hadn't already known.

Jesse smiled shakily, his body still buzzing with arousal. "You don't have to do it if you don't want to, sweetpea."

"No," Hanzo said sternly, almost to himself. "I want to do this for you."

Jesse's heart throbbed. "T-take your time."

Hanzo glanced down at Jesse's length, still concealed by his boxers. He started to pull them down slowly, and it suddenly occurred to Jesse - this would probably be Hanzo's first time actually seeing another man naked, assuming he didn't watch much porn. This would be interesting.

He dragged Jesse's boxers down and off of his thighs and gawked.

"That. . .woah."

Jesse felt self-consciousness fall over him. "What? What's wrong?"

"It's. . . _huge."_ He was still openly staring. Jesse looked away, his cheeks aflame, only feeling slightly uncomfortable.

"Oh. Uh - "

"That is _not_ going in me."

Jesse blinked.

"It's not going to fit."

Well, now he knew that Hanzo had thought about bottoming. Although he's probably changed his mind at this point.

"Well, I'm sure with enough prepar- _haa-aah, Jesus."_

Hanzo looked up from where he'd started to tentatively mouth along the skin of his cock. "I've never heard you make that noise before," he murmured, his eyes getting hazy again.

"Warn a man next time, darlin'," Jesse gasped, his toes curling, and he hadn't even gotten to the good part yet.

"You talk too much," Hanzo husked, and _fuck_ , his voice was amazing, why hadn't he noticed that before? "This seems to be the only way to get you to shut up." He smiled a predatory grin.

Jesse could only pant, not trusting his voice. He'd probably be embarrassed about the noises he made for the rest of his life.

Hanzo laughed a little, taking his hair and tossing it over his shoulder so that it wouldn't get in his face. And then he leaned down once more.

He didn't try to take him all at once - he more or less mouthed at as much as he could and stroked what he couldn't reach. Jesse didn't mind that at all. He panted, clutching at the sheets and staring at the ceiling and thinking, _This is happening. This is happening. This is happening._

Something like a string tightened in his lower gut. Heat stirred within him - the familiar wave upon wave of ecstasy washing over him.

"Hanzo," he wheezed frantically, not knowing if he should put his hand on Hanzo's head. He chose to grab the pillow beside his head instead. "Hanzo, wait. Wait."

Hanzo pulled off of him with a pop that would probably appear in Jesse's dreams in the near future and gazed at him. He looked confused.

Jesse pulled him up for a kiss, tasting himself on Hanzo's tongue, which he found weird. Didn't most people say that cum tasted funny? He was sure he'd heard that somewhere.

Kissing Hanzo seemed to settle the fire roaring within him. His body calmed some, and he sighed before pulling away and rolling them over again.

"I want this to last longer," he said into Hanzo's neck. "Didn't quite wanna come yet."

"Mm," Hanzo agreed eloquently, and Jesse realized it was probably because Hanzo could feel his unclothed dick against his bare thigh.

His hand slid down and skated along the boxer briefs, hiding absolutely nothing. He decided that he liked seeing Hanzo in them. He may have had a thing for Hanzo in shorts.

"May I?" he asked, and surprised himself by the low tone of his voice.

"Yes," Hanzo breathed, and Jesse wanted very much to hear more that. _Yes._

He pulled the boxers down creamy, smooth thighs. They were discarded on the ground.

"Holy shit," Jesse said. "Babe. Shit."

He really hoped that this wasn't some elaborate wet dream. He really hoped that Hanzo was really here, naked underneath him, chest rising and falling unsteadily with anticipation, cock flushed red and fucking _dripping._

"Fuck," he said for good measure.

Hanzo just snickered - though it sounded more like a giggle - and pulled him down by the shoulders for another kiss. They both groaned when they slid against each other.

They made out for a while, and for a blissful few moments Jesse was just perfectly content to grind and get each other off like last time. Except, he'd brought Hanzo to his house for a reason, and he'd be damned if he didn't give him what they'd both been so nervous about. This was his chance - his chance to show Hanzo the love he had for him. He'd treat him right.

Jesse pulled away, and Hanzo whined. Which a soft smile, Jesse said against his lips, "Do you still wanna. . .?"

Hanzo nodded eagerly. "Yes. Yes, I do."

Jesse knew how it went from there. He's watched porn, he's researched. But that circled back to his earlier question - did he have condoms? Lube?

He remembered.

He slid off of Hanzo and reached for the bag Gabe had given him, discarded next to the nightstand. He heard Hanzo shift, and felt his chin resting on his shoulder. "What is that?"

"Gabe gave it to me before he left. I haven't opened it until now." He stared at its contents and sighed. "He knows me too well."

He took out a bottle of lube and a box of condoms. Hanzo's cheeks went red.

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"He knew that we'd. . ."

". . .yeah."

Hanzo sighed and laid back down on the bed. "I do not want to think about that right now."

"God, me neither," Jesse said, and laid back down on top of him to kiss him chastely on the lips. "How. . .how do you want to do this?"

Hanzo looked surprised by the question. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, are you okay with bottomin'?"

He got a nod in affirmation, and then, "Does it hurt?"

The naivety of the question made Jesse chuckle. "It probably will for a moment. Just tell me if you want to stop."

Hanzo nodded again. "Okay."

Jesse reached over for the lube. He didn't know exactly how much he'd need, so he poured a generous amount on his fingers.

It smelled like oranges.

Jesse reached down and Hanzo's legs bent at the knee and spread automatically, feet planted on the mattress. Jesse exhaled shakily at the sight.

"I'm not. . .I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do."

"I guess just. . .try and put a finger in?" Hanzo seemed just as clueless as he was.

Jesse still hesitated.

"I cleaned," Hanzo said quickly. "If that is what you're worried about."

"No, that's not it - what do you mean you cleaned?" Jesse allowed himself to smirk, trying to lighten the mood a bit. "Did you know this was going to happen?"

When Jesse asked, he didn't expect Hanzo to answer, "Yes. Sort of. I have been. . .'cleaning'. . .ever since the night in the truck."

Jesse's cheeks darkened once again. "You might just kill me," he muttered, looking down so that he knew what he was doing.

Hanzo smirked. "Hopefully not yet. _Sss."_

Hanzo hissed. Jesse had touched his rim lightly. He looked up immediately. "What?"

"Cold," was all Hanzo said. He was staring at the ceiling, tense, breathing quickly. Jesse panicked a moment.

"Easy, easy," he tried. "Relax a little. I promise it won't hurt if you're relaxed."

 _It probably wouldn't hurt if I knew what the hell I was doing,_ he thought.

Hanzo still looked stiff, his gaze set determinedly on anywhere but Jesse.

"Darlin'. Baby. Sugar pie."

Hanzo huffed. Jesse smiled.

"Please?" Jesse leant down and brushed a kiss along his lips. "I'll take care of you. You'll be in complete control." He paused. "Honeybee."

Hanzo sighed (he'd never admit it but he was a sucker for Jesse's nicknames), closing his eyes and visibly readying himself. ". . .okay."

Jesse sat back up on his haunches and tried again. His index finger was coated generously with lube. He hoped that it would be enough to lessen the skin-on-skin friction.

"Now, I've never done this to myself," Jesse said softly, "so I don't know what it feels like. You have to tell me if it hurts."

"Okay," Hanzo said. "I am. . I'm ready."

His finger slipped in with less resistance than he thought, but it was still worrying how tight Hanzo was. Maybe he was right. Maybe he _wouldn't_ fit.

Hanzo sucked in a breath, his face screwing up.

"Okay?" Jesse asked cautiously.

"It feels. . .weird." Hanzo's hands were clenching the sheets at his sides, like he didn't know what to do with them. "It does not hurt yet. Keep going."

Jesse wasn't exactly sure how he was supposed to _stretch_ , either. What had he read? Something about a _scissoring_ motion? Wouldn't that hurt?

He really should have done more research.

He used his index finger for a while, before Hanzo said, "Add another." His body was visibly more relaxed than before, his eyes half-lidded like he was drowsy.

Jesse pulled out his finger with a pop noise that made him jump and Hanzo blush fiercely.

"How much lube did you use?" Hanzo asked.

Jesse glanced down at the darkened wet spots on his red sheets and replied, "A lot." At that, he applied more to both his index and middle fingers.

"For one finger?"

"I didn't wanna hurt you." He gently pressed against Hanzo's rim again and pushed in.

Hanzo arched a bit and the intrusion and inhaled sharply, but otherwise didn't comment.

Jesse tried scissoring his fingers a bit when he felt Hanzo relax around them. Hanzo winced, a brief dip of his eyebrows or a twitch of his mouth, but he seemed to otherwise enjoy it. Their erections, which had flagged slightly in the time they spent trying to figure things out, were once again full and aching to be touched.

"Add another." Hanzo's voice was airy.

Jesse pulled his fingers out - slowly, this time - prepared his third finger, and dove back in. He tried curling them this way and that, watching Hanzo's face for any abrupt reactions. This was something he'd been curious about for a while.

Hanzo didn't show any signs of Jesse hitting his "spot," but his eyes did slip closed, his lips parted around light pants, his fingers and toes twitching against the sheets. Wet heat that surrounded his fingers had loosened considerably.

"I'm ready," Hanzo suddenly gasped, and Jesse nearly jumped.

"Are you sure?"

Hanzo nodded almost feverishly. His cock leaked precum against a well-defined stomach. "Yes. I'm sure."

Jesse didn't know what suddenly changed, but he was glad that Hanzo was finally feeling some pleasure.

He pulled his finger out once again, and this time he received a rude squelching noise, to which he laughed at. He reached over and grasped for a condom.

His hands were too slippery to open it.

"Uh, Hanzo?"

His lover glanced at him, saw him holding the foil pouch in his slippery, orange-scented lube-covered hand, and sighed. "Let me."

Jesse gratefully handed it over and Hanzo ripped it open, handing Jesse the condom and discarding the empty packet. Jesse muttered a "thanks" and slid it on, albeit with some difficultly. It was a lot harder than he'd thought with a slippery hand. He slathered as much as he could on his length and wiped the excess on the sheets - he'd have to wash them anyway.

He draped himself over Hanzo and positioned himself. Gave him a long, slow kiss, like it was the last one he'd ever give. In a way, it was. A "once we do this, we're never going back," kind of kiss.

Hanzo grabbed his shoulders, looking into Jesse's eyes. "Be gentle."

"I will, darlin'."

He very, very slowly let the head slip in. Hanzo exhaled and clenched down involuntarily. Jesse suppressed the urge to shake. His body was humming with anticipation. He didn't give into the instinct to just thrust all the way in.

His forehead resting against Hanzo's, he pushed in further, inch by inch. His lover squeezed his eyes shut, his fingernails digging into Jesse's skin, but overall he didn't seem to be in much pain. Jesse took that as a good sign. He _did_ try and prepare him as thoroughly as possible. He'd damn near used half of the lube.

When he was buried at the hilt and Hanzo groaned quietly, he paused.

"Okay?" Jesse breathed. He couldn't lie - the heat surrounding him was driving him insane.

"Yeah," Hanzo sighed. "Give me a moment."

He normally would have said "Yes." Jesse had never heard Hanzo say _"Yeah."_ Interesting.

They waited for a minute or two. Hanzo began to relax, his head dropping back into the pillow.

"You can move," he said quietly.

Very, very slowly, Jesse pulled his hips back and very, very pushed back in. He was smothering a lot - the urge to just jackrabbit into Hanzo's hole and never stop and the orgasm he knew would creep up on him sooner than later. But he controlled himself with superhuman strength, watching Hanzo's face for anything alarming.

Hanzo's eyebrows drew up and his mouth opened silently, but still no indication that he wanted Jesse to move faster.

He kept that pace for a couple of minutes, letting Hanzo get used to his size. He deserved a medal for his absolute self-control. He was close to combusting.

"Faster," came Hanzo's voice, and Jesse felt his demand more than heard in. Hanzo's arms came up around Jesse's neck. "Please," he added sheepishly.

"Shit, you don't have to ask, darlin'," Jesse all but groaned, and upped his pace considerably. "Damn."

Hanzo huffed out a laugh, his breath coming faster.

Jesse rolled his hips and reached one hand down to hold one of Hanzo's legs up. "Does that feel good?" he asked sincerely.

"Uh-huh." Hanzo's voice was high. "Yeah. K-keep - keep doing that."

Jesse groaned again and leant down to bite Hanzo's neck. The mattress was squeaking. He couldn't hope that Gabe didn't hear them, his room was across the hall.

The sound of skin slapping on skin slowly joined the symphony of heavy breathing and the noisy mattress. He'd yet to hear Hanzo moan - a sound he was determined to hear Hanzo make again after that night in the truck. He wanted to know what Hanzo liked.

One hand trailed down to his chest, caressing and rubbing and kneading and Hanzo _surged_ into the touch, a hard gasp leaving his open mouth. _He liked that._ He felt his heart swell.

Jesse was highly, embarrassingly aware that he was babbling nonsense into Hanzo's skin, muffled words that he couldn't even hear himself but he couldn't help it. It all escalated so quickly, he couldn't hide the affection he had for this man, he didn't ever in a million years imagine he'd be doing _this_ of all things. Jesse McCree. Boyfriend. Top. _In love_.

He couldn't help himself. He got louder.

"God, Hanzo, you're so good, so good to me, _fuck,_ feel so good, I love you, mmh, I love you, I _love you - "_

"I love you too," Hanzo breathed, slurred, really, his eyes fluttering wildly, "I love you so much, _ah_! There! I love you! Jesse!" His voice went up an octave mid-sentence, his eyes flying open and his body jolting and arching into Jesse, hands scrabbling for purchase for something to hold -

And Jesse would look back and think on how sappy it all was. Jesse wasn't great at feelings. He would look back on how easily he'd admitted his love to Hanzo, and how easily Hanzo said it back. He'd doubt for a while. But he'd soon realize that he didn't care. He'd know that their love for each other was definite. It was real. It was solid.

That felt nice.

 _"Hanzo,"_ Jesse breathed desperately. His loud breaths were chased by groans.

Hanzo was gone. He was moaning phrases in what Jesse thought wss incoherent babbling until he realized it was Japanese.

 _"Anata o hontōni aishiteimasu,"_ Hanzo said. Jesse had no idea what he was saying. "Ah! _ima made teishi shimasen, ima made teishi shimasen, Jesse -"_

He had to admit that they were pretty loud. But he couldn't find it within himself to care.

He was getting close. He felt the telltale pull in his stomach, that fire stoked to life and setting his skin aflame.

"Hanzo, Hanzo, I'm - "

 _"Watashi mo,_ me too, Jesse - " Hanzo couldn't keep his eyes open. Jesse noticed the steady stroking of his hand on his own cock, in time with Jesse's thrusts.

Jesse felt Hanzo clench down around him once. His orgasm was a surprise, pulling a loud moan out of him, and he flooded the condom, riding out the peak of it with pulses that were seemingly in time with his rapid heartbeat.

Hanzo stroked himself one, two, three times, and he arched, mouth opening in an "o" as he came with a shout, painting his stomach and chest with white. They both trembled together, clutching each other, speechless.

Jesse collapsed with a long exhale, still breathing unsteadily.

They laid there for three long minutes.

"Holy. . ." Jesse began. He stopped. He couldn't describe it.

"I can't feel my legs," Hanzo said quietly.

They went quiet again, until Hanzo whined and pushed irritably at his shoulders. "Jesse, heavy," he said.

"Oh, sorry, Han," he said, and sat up to pull out.

The lewd _pop!_ noise it made was enough to make both he and Hanzo's eyes widen.

"Jesus _Christ,"_ Jesse said exasperatedly, and Hanzo laughed. "It sounded like I opened a Tupperware container."

He pulled and tied the condom off with a wince, getting up on wobbly legs to drop it in his waste basket.

He took one glance at he and Hanzo's white-smeared chests and decided he'd really have to wash his sheets the next day. He only felt a little dirty for wiping them both off with the red sheets.

"I don't have any tissues," Jesse explained when he was met with Hanzo's disgusted look.

"We will have to be more prepared next time," Hanzo said, pushing away the dirtied parts of the sheets and beckoning for Jesse to join him under the covers.

They were both sweaty and the room stank of sweat, but it was close to four in the morning now, and neither of them could take a shower.

"I am going to be very sore in the morning," Hanzo mumbled into the pillow.

"That you are," Jesse said, equally tired. His hand caressed the side ofn Hanzo's face. His wrist was grabbed and pulled closer. A kiss on the palm of his hand.

 _"Aishiteru,"_ he murmured sleepily, and his eyes slipped closed.

Maybe he was wrong about it being hard to be close to another person.

Jesse smiled, snuggling closer and letting the pull of sleep take him.

" _Te amo."_

He could definitely get used to loving Hanzo.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo. Lotta shit happened in the last two months. I've taken the liberty of making a list.
> 
> 1\. I moved out of my mom's house and moved in with my dad (long story). Which means I've switched schools (again). My sister decided to stay with my mom. I'm hella close to her so that fucked me up lmao  
> 2\. I was depressed for like a week - started antidepressants  
> 3\. I'm still not registered for school. It started a week ago. My dad is hella forgetful.  
> 4\. I started to lose confidence in this story. But I feel like it's the best one I've written so far so I did some soul searching and managed to finish chapter eight  
> 5\. Generally I'm terrible at finishing shit (I've for a multitude of half-finished fics on my account). That probably has something to do w/ my autism but who knows lmao  
> 6\. im so s o r r y I promise I've been guilty with my chapter just sitting there 
> 
> anyway I hope you enjoyed this smut I tried to make it was real as possible (kinda based on a true experience?? idk if anyone else had awkward first times too) 
> 
> Lel okay don't forget to comment (especially if I've confused you along the way) alright y'all gotta t e l l m e if y'all got questions okay talk to me

**Author's Note:**

> By the way, this whole fic is basically one big "fuck biology" because of course two guys can create a girl right


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